6 Ways To Cope With Infertility

1. Therapy

I can't express enough on how much therapy has helped me. The key is finding someone you connect with and feel comfortable opening up with. I had been to a few before I found my current therapist. And let me tell you, those were horrible experiences for me! I needed someone who understood me and could help me see the bigger picture and how to cope with such a hard trial in my life. I started going once a week and would just talk and cry and talk and cry. But I always walked out feeling such a weight lifted off my shoulders. I kept our infertility a secret for over 2 years. Not even my family knew. So imagine all that was built up over time. I still see my therapist now and it is such a nice feeling to let everything out and to not feel judged from the other party. If you can't go to a therapist then journal! I journaled my whole experience and still do. It's very therapeutic and it's fulfilling to go back and see how far I've come

*If you are in the northern Utah area and need a therapist, email me! My therapist is incredible!!*

2. God

If you don't believe in God, then believe in something because this is the time you'll need someone/something to lean on. I was/am constantly praying for strength and comfort and I immediately get it. I knew that God had all the power in this circumstance so why not go to him when I felt to weak. 

3. A Safe Haven

For me, that meant the Temple . A place I can go to that let go of the worldly views and stereotypes. I would go often and just sit and ponder and feel safe. If you can't go to a temple, then make a specific park or a trail or even a restaurant your safe haven. But go there often! Your brain will start registering that this is the place you go to to feel safe and at ease and to forget your infertility for just a moment. 

4. Hold Babies

This one might seem like I'm back tracking or pouring salt in the wound. But trust me! It helps! I would often crave holding a newborn in my arms or to just sit and play with a toddler. So, I would! It may have not been my baby but it filled that hunger for those few minutes. Most moms are more then happy if you ask to hold their baby (wash your hands of course hehe) or to play with their toddler for a moment. They need the break and you need the love! I had to learn that it was okay to yearn for these things and to give into those needs with a "substitute" child. 

5. Be Happy For Others

I know this one may seem harder then the rest. How can you be happy for someone else when they are easily getting exactly what you've been praying for for years?! Easy! Because they would be happy for you. It still pricks my heart when hearing about a pregnancy but it brings me soo much happiness that they don't have to go through this hard trial. I decided to choose that happiness over bitter because simply, it's easier and I am happier. I want to be happy too! And it starts with being happy for others. Be happy it's their turn, be happy they are not the 1 in 8 (would you really wish that upon them) be happy that one day they will be even happier for you!

6. Stay Busy!

When we first started our treatments I was working in a salon. I decided that if I couldn't get pregnant right then or if we were doing a treatment too, I would put my all into my work and become the best stylist out there. Let me tell you, that's when my clientele boomed! It was my distraction from throwing a self-pity party. Now, since I'm not at the salon, I stay busy with other things. The gym, crafting, keeping Lemmon busy, finding new places around my home. The more we sit and stew the more angry and bitter we become. 

**This is personally what has helped me with Infertility. It is written in past form and present form, but I still use all 6 of these things to help me. ***

A Letter to the Yearning Mother

To the yearning mom,

Cry. Cry for your unborn child. Cry that it isn't fair. Cry because you just need to cry. But after your done crying, REMEMBER. Remember that he is God. That he will not fail you. That he will bless you with the real intents of your heart. Cry, but then REMEMBER.

I cried. I cried a ton! For some reason, only one Mother's day (the Mother's Day before we received Lemmon) was the hardest for me. And I realized that's when the Lord was really breaking me down because he was ready for me to be who he wanted me to be. I was on my knees more then the usual morning and night and each time ended with tears. But tears of peace and happiness. Because I wasn't alone. I don't know how I could have gone through those years without my God. 

But after I cried because it wasn't fair, or because I didn't understand or just simply because, I felt stronger, like I could face this "monster" head on. I'm glad I cried because it led me to be humble and brought me to my knees. If I didn't cry then I wouldn't have known how to comfort those who also cried, I wouldn't know how to really and I mean REALLY communicate with my Father in Heaven. 

So, this Mother's Day, cry! It hurts and it sucks, but REMEMBER! Remember to get on your knees so you can become stronger.

I am thankful to be the 1 in 8

Being apart of the 1 in 8 is tricky. Am I supposed to be sad? angry? bitter? hurt? Or am I allowed to be happy? Hopeful? Excited? Stronger? Like I said, it's tricky. 

The day I finally accepted that we were being put into the 1 in 8 I found support groups on facebook, some friends and searched the internet. 80% of these ladies/men were sad, angry, bitter, hurt, etc. Which made me think I was supposed to be too. But that wasn't me. So I left those facebook groups, stopped hanging out with those friends and closed down my internet searches. I wanted my life to continue to move and to be happy.

I began seeing a therapist to help me understand certain thoughts and actions of myself and others  and I remember thinking "One day I'll be thankful for infertility, one day I'll be okay that I can't get pregnant." And I'll never forget that day that being the 1 in 8 didn't matter anymore. 

The first day we spent with our birth mom, I sat and waited for her to ask why we couldn't have children because that's what everyone else around me was asking and wondering. But she didn't, so I brought it up, just so she knew how much Lemmon was wanted and needed in our lives. So, I said "We can't have kids." and her response "oh okay, so as I was saying..." Guys! She didn't care! She didn't care if I was the 1 in 8! All she cared about was her baby being loved and taken care of. So why should I care? It doesn't matter how I get my babies here in our family, as long as they are loved and taken care of. So, I simply stopped caring.  I don't want you to think I am insensitive about infertility and we all just need to get over it. That's not what I am saying at all, but if the women who placed her child with me doesn't care, then why should a complete stranger care of why I can't get pregnant. 

I've been watching videos of women talking about their infertility this week and the music and tone of voice is so sad and solemn. Yes, it's a really tough thing to go through (Hi! Went through it over here!) but to be sad and angry and BITTER (that's a huge one) about it won't make the trial any easier. I want National Infertility Awareness week to show how these women are strong and have so much hope and the faith that their God will allow them to be a mother one day and to show people it doesn't matter how my child got here, they are here and loved! 

I am grateful for infertility! How else would our sweet Lemmonade have gotten here. I am grateful I can't get pregnant! How else was I supposed to be the Women God needed me to become. Yes, I am the 1 in 8 but it doesn't need to be an sad, angry, bitter statistic. It's a strong, life changing, faithful trial to have. And I am grateful the Lord knew I could handle it.